Arrow Head

16 September 2011

Arrow Head

Arrows Of A Bow

1. Every relationship is like a flowing stream. It carries with it a fertile silt of emotions which it deposits on an individual's approach to life. The two persons in the relationship, who enclose this flowing pattern of complex feelings, are like the two banks of a river. The presence of both these banks is necessary to direct the steady flow of the river. If one bank of the river changes course the other too must act likewise, else the stream will lose its identity, relevance and utility. The same stands true for our relationship with our children. This is one instance where initially, one bank of this stream guides the flow with the other bank simply following the former. However with the passage of time this pattern slowly changes as the other bank also develops a mind of its own. After this happens, changes in the nascent partner also initiate corrections in the other one. The roles of the two banks appear to reverse occasionally. This signifies the beginning of a clash – the so called clash of generations. This phenomenon has been occurring since time immemorial and will probably continue till as long as there are two generations of human beings present concurrently on this earth.

2. There are many factors which give rise to this clash. These include a fear of the older generation of losing its grip on this relationship, a sense of trepidation by the younger generation of getting lost in the old definitions of life, a wish of the older generation to keep the reins in its experienced and wise hands and probably an inborn urge of the younger generation to open new vistas of life. These fears and hopes, though justified, keep tilting the balance of power from one end to the other.

Reasons for the Change

3. Societal Shift. The last few decades have seen a major change in our social, political and economic life patterns. Along with this change one more change slowly crept in our society-that was behavioural change. Our way of thinking changed considerably, and this change in approach took place in the psyche of not only the younger generation but also the older one. Such a feature evolved new parenting patterns in this new Indian society. Emergence of nuclear families, working mothers, new trends in education and exposure of the young generation to a wide variety of media, were few of the important social events which enhanced this cultural gap between generations. These factors brought to fore one major problem which was the depletion of rich soil of emotional support. This soil which was provided by a healthy sibling company, continuous love and guidance by various elder family members and by a feeling of sharing one's life and possessions with others, gradually lost its content and relevance.

4. Children as Individuals. The new system of living creates individualistic identities in children. They question, argue and negate not because they are rude but because they want a logical explanation of every parental action. The society has brought them up in such a manner. We need to satisfy their queries logically and truthfully. They are frank, outspoken and at times more honest to their parents then their previous generations.

5. Parental Dreams. In most of the middle class families, children find themselves in the sharp focus of parental attention. They are priced possessions and a future dream project of their parents. This attitude puts an immense pressure not only on the children but also on the parents. Any alteration in this project brings disharmony in the life of parents and their offspring.

6. Western Influence. The last few years have brought a strong western influence in our life. Children and specially adolescents of our country are walking on this tight rope of cultural potpourri. They are not averse to old Indian traditions but want to embrace and emulate western habits also.

7. Values and Ethics. Children imbibe their values and ethics from their parents and so is the case even today. Then why do we lament for the loss of value system in today's generation. Are not we responsible for such a system? Haven't our values undergone a sea change over past few years? Commercialisation and consumerism has affected us as much as it has affected children, though in different spheres of life. Our own definitions of ethics and morality have changed. We need to view their moral and ethical behaviour keeping in mind this change before branding it totally unacceptable. Perceptiveness rather than alienation is often the answer to this trend.

8. Peer Group Pressure. As earlier mentioned, in earlier days a child had a full house, whether in terms of grown ups or his own age group people. He did not have to look outside for company or guidance in small matters also. It is not so now and due various other mentioned reasons today's child is led by a strong peer code. Parents find it difficult to comprehend and cope with the strong influence of this peer group on the child.

Requirement for Parental Adaptation

9. Adaptability. Keeping in mind above changes of our social fabric, should we evolve a more applicable system of parental standards and values? We need to remember that emotions do not change but adjustments do; values do not differ but perceptions do; relationships do not change but expectations do. The relationship between the parent and the offspring is one of the most important ones in humanity because it shapes the very society in which it grows. Faulty adjustments, wrong perceptions and misplaced expectations can play havoc in the life of both the generations involved.

10. Interactive Approach. Today's children and youth are sensitive to instruction. We therefore need to justify our orders to them to some extent. The child demands an explanation and so we often need to reason with him. The child is individualistic and so we need to respect his entity. If he is confused we need to understand him. When he is lonely we need to communicate with him. As opposed to the old British adage, today he is not only to be seen but heard too. Before creating a well adjusted youth we need to form ourselves into well adjusted adults first. Two generations can not be compared: they can only harmonise and adjust.

A Possible Solution

11. The spirit of reasonableness is the best inheritance that we can offer to our younger generation. It is said that this spirit is the sanest and the highest idea of human culture and that a reasonable generation is the most cultivated and likable generation. Maintaining a sane balance in this ever changing sea of conflicting views, impulses and desires of two generation can be done with the help of a level-headed interpretation of both these worlds.

12. Discipline is a major requirement of life but it is not necessarily an antithesis of flexibility. A parent has to be firm not rigid, strong not dominant and flexible not weak. The era has changed, the scenario has changed and the thought processes themselves have changed. Today's problems can not be tackled with yesterday's solutions and we have to formulate relevant and contemporaneous answer if we want harmony, cooperation and coordination between two generations. It must always be borne in mind that those who do not seek new remedies must continue to suffer from old maladies. So must be our approach to our relations with our children.

About the Author

Have done doctorate in English. Taught at school and college level. Have a passion for reading and writing.